Thursday, July 06, 2006

You Gonna Eat That?

Headline: Scorpions, worms and ants on the menu at club

Rurka, a biologist who has studied coral reefs in the Virgin Islands, devotes much thought to devising dishes for the Explorers Club's annual dinner in March where guests feast on tarantulas, maggots and exotic parts of various livestock such as eyeballs, testicles and penises.

That's one club I never want to join! Let's try to dissect what the hell those people were thinking. As disgusting as it may be, let me point out what we all know but must reconsider: what goes in must come out. Yikes!

Does he wipe his ass with a can of raid or something? Isn't it bad enough that corn doesn't fully digest? I'd be bound for the floor in a place like that, but not because of too much tequilla, but from the tarantula that just crawled out of my ass!

Not to mention, you'd better hope your stomach can handle such strange provisions or else you'll be forced to make that mad-dash to the bathroom, only to have your rear end loosen upon the earth - or the wall - the 10 plagues of Egypt all over again.

Swarms of locusts would send people screaming into the lobby in a full-on stampede from the restrooms, frantically searching for the only thing that could possibly save them: Pepto? hell no! I'm talking about lamb's blood people! Which, no doubt, would be found at the bar.

I'd guess table manners would be out of the window at a dinner like this, along with the main entree - especially if there were no screens. And forget about the salad fork - you'll be using a fly swatter, followed by dissecting tools. Hope you didn't miss that day in biology class.

What if you were on a date and the check-my-teeth moment arrived. The answer could very well be, "well, there was something in your teeth, but now it's in your hair!" Although, the only person crazy enough to take anyone there for a date would be Renfield.

Nope, there aren't enough ketchup packages in the world for me to try this. In fact, the idea alone is just too hard for me to digest. Even the Angel of Death would pass this over.

4 Comments:

Blogger JohnB said...

It sounds like the perfect solution to a severe case of constipation...just think of all the ruffage to be had!

9:36 PM, July 06, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

yuck! I'll stick to Metamucil. :)

3:41 AM, July 07, 2006  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

I would not like to see a scorpion claw come out of my ass. No sir. That's a nightmare come true.

11:06 AM, July 07, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Phoenix: I'm with ya on that one, makes me clench just thinking about it.

11:33 AM, July 07, 2006  

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