Thursday, December 21, 2006

What a Couple of Flakes

Headline: Cops Put 2 on Ice After Frosty Stabbing

Two Christmas grinches were arrested Monday, accused of stabbing a 12-foot-tall inflatable Frosty the snowman with a screwdriver. The Hamilton County Sheriff's office said two 18-year-olds were charged with criminal damaging, and the investigation continues to snowball.

A screwdriver? That's just plain cold-hearted. I would've used an ice pick. The brutality of this story is simply numbing. Has anyone ever heard ice scream? Sends chills up your spine, to be sure.

What a tough job for paramedics. Although the stab wounds couldv'e remained stable considering he was already packed in ice. But it would've been hard to tell if he was near death or not since he's always so cold.

How would you save a snowman? If you gave him mouth-to-mouth you'd get stuck, like that kid in a Christmas Story. If you hooked him up to an IV, you'd melt his arm off. I seriously doubt there were any magical, straw hats in the first-responder bag.

No win situation. Best thing to do would be just to chill, continue to give him liquid oxygen, and wait and see what happens.

Those vandals reminded me of a time, long ago, when my friend and I tried to take out Ronald McDonald with a BB gun. Not the live person, of course, but an inflatable one used for a grand opening at one of their restaurants.

Once we realized mere BBs would not penetrate that tough exterior, the only thing that deflated were our high hopes. He just continued to smile down at us with those big, red clown-lips.

After the failed drive-by attempt, we opted for the drive-thru instead, which turned out to be a lot more successful than the first idea. Best damned hot-fudge sundae I ever had.


Blogger The Phoenix said...

At least they didn't go after his "snow balls."

Merry Christmas!

9:44 AM, December 21, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

yeah...that's true. :) Same to you!

1:36 PM, December 21, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An inflatable Frosty that BB's could not penetrate? What about shooting its eye out?

8:46 PM, December 21, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

No, John, Frosty was stabbed and Ronald was shot. But I guess I should've aimed for his eyes...would've stopped me from saying the f-dash-dash-dash word when he didn't deflate, huh?

4:30 AM, December 22, 2006  
Blogger Fated said...

Frosty stabbed and Ronald shot. Oh my!

Run Rudolph! They're coming for you!!


Merry Christmas

5:45 AM, December 22, 2006  
Blogger mindy said...

ronald is just creepy.. and the fact that you couldn't bring him down is even creepier!! (he's evil)

6:28 AM, December 22, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Fated - as long as he's not flying, then someone will think it's a skeet-shooting competition. ;)

Mindy - no doubt, but the Burger King guy is the one I really hate with a passion. I'd have to break out the heavy assault rifles for that big-headed weirdo.

8:26 AM, December 22, 2006  
Blogger X. Dell said...

Well, if it's an inflatable snowman, then I would suspect that he might resurrect with a juddicious use of duct tape.

1:43 PM, December 22, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

I'm pretty sure this is the third attack on Frosty and I believe his owner did tape him up a couple of times before - but how Hooterville would it look to have a giant duct-taped Frosty in your yard?? lol.

2:10 PM, December 22, 2006  
Blogger Ray Van Horn, Jr. said...

now you know what? I laughed myself silly at THAT one!

3:27 PM, December 30, 2006  

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