Monday, April 17, 2006

Negative, G!

Headline: Robot Birth Simulator Gaining Popularity

Noelle's given birth in Afghanistan, California and dozens of points in between. She's a lifelike, pregnant robot used in increasing numbers of medical schools and hospital maternity wards.
According to this report, the computerized mannequin also has been programmed to urinate, emit pulse rates, and breathe. But can she cook and clean is what I want to know. We can only hope she won't be eligible for food stamps, too.

There's also the ability to send wireless signals to create unique situations for the students to react to. I want that job - (insert evil laughter here). Honestly, this is an amazing tool for students of medicine. However, wouldn't it be more realistic if the robot were programmed to scream and curse during the delivery, also?

Another thought that crossed my mind, when I initially read the headline, was that I imagined it to be more like a flight test simulator. A machine that allows you to experience giving birth, as opposed to performing an aircraft carrier landing with an F-18. Is there much of a difference, really?

I mean, there's a delivery system in place for both, there are specific positions you have to be in before you can set that baby down, and you sure as hell don't want it to slide off the edge. But for the former, that whole tailhook thing would hurt like a bitch - yow!

I remember the first time I watched a video in science class of this miracle of life. My face contorted in ways that would’ve made you think I was the one giving birth – or witnessing an exorcism. Nothing about that created a desire in me to have children, to be anywhere near a delivery room, and definitely not become a nurse.

I’ve watched a million of the goriest trauma shows on the Discovery channel without flinching, but every time there are stories of someone having a baby I change the station more quickly than men do when their wives unexpectedly walk in on them watching late night TV -- on a side note, they usually claim they were watching a History channel special. I didn't realize there were Girls Gone Wild in 1947. Imagine that.

Speaking of husbands, I wonder who fathered this computerized child. Although, I’m relatively certain no one would be able to tell the difference between the robot dad and a human one at that point anyway. Whoever it was, I’m sure the child will turn out to be a real chip off the ole block.

As much as this will enlighten and aid medical professionals everywhere, I'll leave the birthing to the robots. In fact, the only time you'll find me strapped in and screaming would be during a 45 degree inverted dive.


Blogger uncrazy99 said...

I like what you said about making the woman scream and curse. I saw this article, and it immediately interested me, because I'm planning on going to med school and becoming a doctor. See...the pregnancy thing really doesn't interest me either. I understand that I'll probably have to deliver a baby at some point, in my med school rotations, or whatever, but I don't know. It always looks so painful, to everyone involved. And I don't really like kids either, so I probably won't be having them. :-)

I think I'm going to quote you on my blog..

1:11 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger ItsTJoint said...

Noelle needs to keep her pants on and maybe quit accepting strange drinks from strange men all over the world...

1:59 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

uncrazy99: thanks - good luck with school and hope you don't have to be on the receiving end anytime soon.

ITJ: I know! she must be a bored mother board. huh?

3:01 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger JohnB said...

"A robot may not harm a human being, nor through inaction, allow a human being come to harm"...sounds like that law may have been vioated somehow.

3:33 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

yes, but it also must protect its existence, so that must include having babies.

3:53 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Raydude6131 said...

I take umbridge with the whole "uncaring lout of a dad" generalization. I was and still am a very caring father. I make Ward Cleaver look like The Great Santini. (ps. i seem to have disappeared as a link. Something I said?)

6:09 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

I'm sorry you took offense to my joke - but it was meant in the sense of a robot and a human's expressions might be similar if that human just witnessed a birth in action. but nowhere did I write "uncaring lout of a dad".

as far as removing you from my list, I don't like a bunch of links on my page, so I shuffle them and put new people up for a change of pace.

It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

8:15 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger fatty ~ said...

thats a totally crazy thing...

but they had good intentions i suppose?

8:31 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Fatty: I actually think it's a great thing and I envy the people who get the chance to learn and practice with one of those machines. I was fascinated enough by a CPR dummy that had a pulse. :) Or should I have said CPR mannequin - wouldn't want to offend all the dummys out there.


8:35 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Raydude6131 said...

I didnt take offense. Id shuffle too...but nobody to shuffle too. (sniff sniff.......sob...wimper)

6:23 AM, April 18, 2006  

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