Do the Hustle

Whenever I was young I claimed to hate Disco with a passion. I rebelled against the popular dance/music craze, made famous by Saturday Night Fever, with a zeal comparable to those of the Crusaders.

I can't say I wasn't exactly struck by the disco fever, per se. Not only did it give me a fever, it also induced vomiting, nausea, and the inability to operate heavy machinery.

Should I say I hated the Bee Gees? Hate is such a strong word. Yes, I hated the Brothers Gibb, especially their signature pose and hairy chest displays.

Also, Scooby-Doo or not, I hated America’s Top 40 with Casey Kasem. In particular, the long distance dedication letters he’d read about some love struck, sappy dumbass who was desperate enough to pick the sickest song on the charts in a pointless effort to win back their lost love - usually Reunited from Peaches & Herb or something equally sickening.

Whatever everybody liked or listened to, I did just the opposite. While some sang along with Dr. Hook, I chose Dr. Love. When all the girls sang We Are Fam-i-ly, I was stomping and clapping to We Are the Champions.

Leo Sayer didn't make me feel like dancing at all, unless the definition of dancing meant kneeling and hanging my head over the toilet, followed by violent stomach spasms and dizziness.

If someone played the Copa Cabana, as soon as he said, “her name was Lola” – I would chime in by singing, “El-oh-el-aye Lola la-la-la-la Lola” and disrupt his or her tribute to Barry Manilow as quickly as I could.

So, now that you have a little bit of background of what I claimed to be, can anyone explain the phenomenon of why is it that I seem to know every single word to those songs?

In fact, while cleaning my house just now, it was accomplished with energy and enthusiasm, meaning high-pitched singing and silly dance moves, to the Bee Gee's You Should Be Dancing. My dog is still cowering under the table.

What does it all mean? Was it mere repetition that planted those words in my heart? Or was I a closet disco duck all along? Have I become what I hated the most? Has it happened to anyone besides me? Did you ever claim to hate country music, yet you have the Timelife collection in your garage?

I suppose there’s no real point in trying to make sense of it all. It’s not like a pill is currently being developed that would erase K.C. & The Sunshine Band from my memory or any known vaccine against disco fever.

All I can do is accept my sickness and hope for a cure. Until then, I will keep my feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.