The Magic Floozy

Headline: Conn. City Hopes Music Will Clean Up Park

HARTFORD, Conn. - Residents of one Hartford neighborhood hope Beethoven and Mozart will help drive drug dealers and prostitutes out of a local park.

Initially, the residents considered the following music selections to irritate the scandalous patrons into exile.

1. Paper Lace - Greatest Hits
2. European Polka Hits, Vol. 1
3. Helen Reddy's Greatest Hits
4. Greatest Hits of John Tesh
5. Xanadu Soundtrack

After much deliberation it was concluded those selections in particular would not only increase drug usage, but also extend the element to include elders of the community and small children alike. Not to mention, the suicide rate in the area would break all-time records nationwide.

So, Bach to the drawing board they went and decided on classical instead.

Rock them Amadeus!