Saturday, February 25, 2006

Jail Bird

Headline: Fla. Man Kills Roommate Over Toilet Paper
Franklin Crow accused of fatally beating his roommate with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer because there was no toilet paper in their home has been arrested.
Well, I can see why he used a sledgehammer because toilet paper is too soft to beat anyone with anyway.

What the hell was going on there? This had to be a climactic end to what those two roommates have been fighting about for quite some time: type, placement, who bought the last pack, overuse, who didn't replace the roll, and finding out you're out when you need it the most.

I can relate to this as I have had other people live with me who irritate the hell out of me with regard to proper toilet paper etiquette.

By this, I mean - yes, I can sometimes be Sleeping-With-the-Enemy-like when it comes to this - did the paper fall over or under when sitting on the roll. (over for those of you who don't know the "right" way to do it).

Or was it that the roll was so large it was squeezed into place so tightly he could only get one sheet at a time, causing more struggling and grunting than orginally performed that led to the need for TP in the first place? I mean, really, one sheet is hardly enough to blot lipstick much less anything else of a graphic nature.

Maybe he got tired of doing the pants-around-the-ankles-hop down the hall in search of a new roll. Or maybe the roommate was the kind of guy who wrapped excessive amounts of toilet paper around his hand leading one to believe he was about to change a hot barrell on an M-60 machine gun.

All of these things, whether combined or by themselves, warrants an ass-kickin'. Incidentally, I think it's pretty funny that the roommate got the shit beat out of him and there was no toilet paper to be found!

Goes to show you what comes around goes around - usually with one flush, sometimes two.

4 Comments:

Blogger Rocky said...

Who knows what really put him over the edge. Maybe they had gone a while without toilet paper, and his roommate had also run them out of the following...

1. Kleenexes
2. Paper towels
3. Moist wipes from the rib takeout
4. Napkins
5. Fabric softener sheets
6. Every page of the Sears catalog

6:35 PM, February 25, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Fabric Softener! HAHA. Cling Free?

6:38 PM, February 25, 2006  
Blogger JohnB said...

I think somebody squeezed the "Charmin", and left it useless.

11:27 PM, February 25, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

exactly why he became Mr. Whipple Yo Ass!

4:17 AM, February 26, 2006  

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