I'm Ready For My Close Up...

Headline: Kangaroo Has Lip Surgery After Bite

(AP) Feznick, an aspiring celebrity kangaroo, underwent lip surgery because he was bitten by a wolf at a Hollywood animal farm.

Who knew the Hollywood animal actors were just as vicious as the human ones?

Makes me wonder which movie the wolf was in. American Werewolf, maybe? Did he do it out of jealousy over some bitch? I'm surprised the paparazzi haven't circulated pictures yet and made up crazy stories.

Are there certain sections of the animal farm that reflect how big of a star you are, meaning, does Beethoven get better treatment than, say, the Taco Bell dog? Or does Babe get more slop than Arnold the Pig? How are the rules made?

Is there a special retirement section where seasoned actors like Clyde and Gus the Mule live? Do they look upon the younger crowd with feelings of envy?

I realize all forms of work are competitive, but to get plastic surgery? Will this kangaroo have a striking resemblence to Angelina Jolie now? It's no wonder other procedures weren't done as well. A tummy tuck, perhaps? Hey, Doc, no matter what I do, I can't get rid of this pouch!

Let's hope they weren't referring to the lip down under, that would be just roo-ed. But I guess since he's a he, that doesn't make any sense, but neither does plastic surgery on animals - so what the hell. Either way, I would be surprised if a simple lip surgery alters his career at all.

As a matter of fact, I'm sure the only Oscar he'll ever get will be made of turkey, chicken, and beef by-products.