Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Use Condom Sense

Headline: Abstinence Educators Call for GAO Investigation of Government Spending on Comprehensive Sex Education

SIECUS and the CDC have a record of recommending curricula with extremely graphic content such as the use of grocery items like grape jelly being used as lubricants (Becoming a Responsible Teen), condom relay races, condom practice and fantasizing during classroom time, a homework assignment to go shopping for condoms, and how-to instructions for oral sex (Becoming a Responsible Teen, Be Proud! Be Responsible!, Get Real About AIDS).
Grape jelly? Condom relay races? Those would have to be extra-extra large if the intention is to mimic Potato Sack Races. The only thing I fantasized about during class was recess or hoping the teacher wouldn't call on me.

I think the best form of prevention is to send your child to a Catholic school. Nothing like promises of eternal hell-fire and damnation from Sr. Mary Margaret to thwart any desire for wrongdoing. I understand all about awareness and stuff, but 9 year olds? 9?!

When I was 9 my biggest concerns were showing off my blue tongue from the Bubblegum flavored snow-cone, figuring out what time The Three Stooges came on, memorizing my time-tables, and winning the softball tournament at the church fair. At no time did I worry about boys. Boys were stupid.

These groups should concentrate on teaching their own children values and morals, however, I will say I could've used a few tips when I was around 17 or 18, but eventually I figured things out.

Now that I'm older and have been exposed to the world, I can honestly say, without question, the most important lesson I learned throughout my life, I learned when I was little: Boys are stupid.


Blogger JohnB said...

I may help your theory: I went to Catholic school in LA, and when in 5th grade was ratted out unknowingly by a busybody girl for finding a Penthouse mag in the paper drive pile (what was that doing there?). Instead of throwing it away I stupidly shoved it in my desk, and summarily it was found by the nun in a very short time. What followed I have blocked out of my mind mostly-the only thing I remember is kneeling in front of a statue of Mary on the hard tile floor for the rest of the day barely being able to walk afterwards...

8:38 AM, November 15, 2005  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

You helped on 2 counts. Catholic school punishment and boys are stupid. You poor sinner. :)

8:47 AM, November 15, 2005  
Blogger ItsTJoint said...

Brian from Pushin Arrows and I went to the same Catholic High School and we both went to Catholic grade schools. The punishments were lame, like John said (that's hilarious how he described it because I had to do something similar AND I actually had to clean cafeteria tables with a toothbrush!), but I think it all boils down to how hard your parents come down on you or educate you about that stuff.

Oh, and when I was in elementary school your kind had cooties and it was all about what color combinations I could make my tounge with "Fun Dip".

10:12 AM, November 15, 2005  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Fun Dip! Ha. I never had cooties, just so you know. :)

10:14 AM, November 15, 2005  
Blogger Rocky said...

"Cooties" - haha, I had forgotten that word.

I, too, survived Catholic school punishment. One nun would give us the choice between a hit on the hand with a yard stick or write a 1,000 word essay. Other chumps would take the essay and get carpal tunnel. I'd take the hit but I'd pull my hand away a couple of times to get Sister Babe Ruth winded. The third hit was kind of tingly, but no biggie.

10:34 AM, November 15, 2005  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

you guys were bad. I, of course, was the perfect angel. Or at least they thought so. ;)

10:59 AM, November 15, 2005  
Blogger It's Just My Opinion said...

Is this one thing you won't learn in kindergarden

12:13 PM, November 15, 2005  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

probably not - at least not at school.

12:22 PM, November 15, 2005  

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