Bee Sides

Bees are flying insects that are closely related to wasps and ants – wasps meaning White Anglo-Saxon Pesky Stingy things and Ants meaning, well ants. I don’t know their national origin but they’re no picnic, to be sure.

It is said that a bee’s tongue is very long – almost as long as Gene Simmons' – in order to obtain nectar from plants – which could be the reason Gene’s tongue was surgically extended, but that’s another story altogether.

Bees might live alone or join a colony. Either they serve the Queen or they don’t, pretty much. I’m sure if I were a bee I’d be a solitary one, mainly because I could fly around pollinating things and not worry about living under the Queen's rule. Nor would I have to watch the drones aimlessly fly around, mistaking my antennae for flowers, or be forced to listen to their endless droning, like Woody Allen or Louis the Vampire.

I’m not sure what it would take to join a colony. Would there be some type of revolution? Or membership fees? Would your honeycomb have to look like everyone else’s on the block?

Just too much to consider, which is why being a solitary one seems like the better deal. I could be a part of the superfamily without the dues - kind of like Jenna Bush.

Wouldn’t Bee family reunions have an interesting atmosphere? Would the wasps always be the ones hovering around the open bar and progressively becoming beelligerent? Would the poor ants invade the rich ants’ picnic lunch or the elderly always complain of chronic back pain? Would the Bee Gees or Anthrax be the selected background music?

Would there be gossip about the strange cousin who thinks he’s a social butterfly or the nephew who's been hooked on antphetamines? What sort of childrens’ activities would be planned? Frisbee, perhaps, king of the ant-hill?

Imagine the conversations:

Gossipy Ant Bee, “So what’s the buzz?”
Princess Bee, “I’ve been dating someone, his kisses taste like honey!”
Soldier Ant, “I joined the military so I could bee all that I could bee.”
Political Bee, "Are you a left or right wing-er?"
Drone, “Do I have any pollen in my teeth?”

Being a pollinator doesn’t seem like such a bad idea to me. Flying around the world, drinking the nectar of the gods, and stinging whoever pisses you off - much like a rock star.

Maybe the members of Kiss should’ve dressed up like bumble bees instead of demons, I hear you get more honey that way. If anything it would've made "Kiss Meets the Phantom" a little more interesting.