Permanente Grin

Headline: Study: Coffee counters booze in liver

Drinking coffee might help prevent liver cirrhosis among heavy drinkers, according to a study published Monday by Kaiser Permanente Oakland.

Are they cirrhosis?! What does being overweight have to do with anything? Get it? heavy drinker. (crickets)

Anyway...

I wonder where they rounded up the test subjects who participated in this study? I mean, if they are such heavy drinkers how could they even broach the subject in the first place? Did they visit the sleaziest bars in the area to catch these folks in their natural habitat?

Picture the interaction. The well-dressed researcher approaches the stinkiest drunk in the place, pulls their face up from off of the bar by the back of their hair, spit streaming from lip to coaster, and asks if they'd like to help conduct a study - much like Hugh Grant would do when looking for company.

Their scotch-laden breath belches out: brraaaaaahhhh. Good enough. He quickly lets go of the subject, skull-to-wood contact creating a resounding thud, and then he orders a drink. He slugs it down, takes in a deep sigh, turns toward his assistant and says, "sign 'em up".

Who wouldn't need a cup of coffee after an interview like that? What a crazy job.

Do you think the director of research took notice that all of the participants had knots on their foreheads? He probably just wrote it off as an occupational hazard or maybe they got free mugs for their trouble.

However things really worked out, it is good news to know coffee has so many health benefits. Now, if only it would cure stupid.