Thursday, November 03, 2005

The Ties that Bind

Headline: Man Sues Ex-Girlfriend Over Glue Attack

Kenneth Slaby claims his ex-girlfriend, Gail O'Toole, owes him more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago.

Slaby said O'Toole told him it was payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile to a gas station to call for help. He pressed charges and O'Toole pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and served six months' probation
.
First of all, O'Toole? How appropriate. Secondly, I'm not surprised his lawyer could make the charges, uh... stick.

This is what I want to know. How could he walk a mile to a gas station with his butt cheeks stuck together? His small, hip-swinging steps had to take forever to get there. Are there surveillance tapes available for viewing?

As soon as he walked through the door, did the attendant immediately hand him the bathroom key? With the pained look on his face, all hunched over, and butt muscles constricted enough to stop a freight train, what else could he have thought?

Poor guy. At least he's getting money out of it and he's not permanently damaged...at least not physically.


4 Comments:

Blogger Raydude6131 said...

30,000 IS a lot of money, but how do you arrive at that for genital gluing. Where's THAT chart. "Let's see, genitals still in tact, thats good. We can get rid of this "search the bushes for the chopped off penis" fee. I dont think theres enough money to wipe away the memory of me hobbling to the Exxon with my boys glued to me.

6:27 PM, November 03, 2005  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

his family jewels must've been cubic zerconia to settle for 30,000.

6:36 PM, November 03, 2005  
Anonymous john said...

What *I* want to know is... how drunk did this guy have to be to allow this to happen? Even the wimpiest guy on Earth would be able to hold off Xena in this situation. So... HOW?

7:42 PM, November 03, 2005  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Don't ask me, I have no glue.

7:52 PM, November 03, 2005  

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