Avast, Ye Mateys!

Headline: Pirates Open Fire on Cruise Ship off Somalia

"Early this morning an attempt was made to gain access to the Seabourn Spirit while it was at sea," the company said in a statement. "The approach was successfully repelled."

First of all, who would think to book a cruise anywhere near Somalia? Haven't they seen Black Hawk Down? Secondly, oh wait one minute - phone call - it's my travel agent.

Pirates! How cool is that? Just when those passengers were stuffed to the gills from the marathon buffet or worn out by the endless Conga line, cannon blasts and the Jolly Roger whipping fiercely in the wind signalled the attack.

Wife: "Darling, this wasn't in the brochure."
Husband: "Shut up, wench, and get the camera! Arrrr!"

She would've moved more quickly had it been Captain Jack Sparrow on that boat - he could give me a good floggin' any day. The husband, I'm sure, immediately assumed the Captain Morgan stance in an effort to blend in.

Since they got away unharmed, I can only imagine the cruise ship captain must have claimed The Code. It shouldn't have applied to him though considering he wasn't a pirate, but, as we all know it's more what you'd call guidelines than actual rules, really.

Yo-ho-yo-ho a pirates' life for me.