Wednesday, October 26, 2005


Headline: Voice of Jolly Green Giant dies at 80

Ad jingles were the most consistent part of his career and he landed roles for Rice Krispies cereal, Marlboro cigarettes, Amoco oil and Dinty Moore canned beef stew. He periodically re-recorded the "Ho, Ho, Ho" for Jolly Green Giant commercials, most recently about 10 years ago.

Poor Sprout. I heard he was in a vegetative state after receiving the news.

The guest registry from the funeral would be interesting to look through. I'll bet the pallbearers will be Charlie Tuna, Tony the Tiger, Mr. Clean, Mr. Peanut, The Pillsbury Doughboy, and Chef Boyardee. I would also imagine the eulogy would be offered by General Mills. I can hear it now - from the Earth he came and to the Earth he shall return. Maybe he'll get a 21 gun salute, too.

I didn't know this but he also did ads for Marlboro. Somehow HO HAAACK HAAACK didn't turn out to be as popular. And I didn't know he did Dinty Moore ads, also. Do you think the thumb print is his?! It's certainly big enough. And Rice Krispies? I don't think I've heard of Snap, Crackle, Pop, and Ho - other than on B.E.T.

A little known fact about the Jolly ole guy is he was the very first Stalker. I know this because he always peered into windows around neighborhoods watching people eat their dinner. Maybe that's why he was so damned Jolly.

But what I've always wondered is whether he was an asparagus or a green bean. I guess now I'll never know. He took the secret with him to the big produce section in the sky.

I'm going to miss him, though. And every night when I sit down to dinner, if I feel someone looking at me through the kitchen window - I'll call 9-1-1.


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