Saturday, July 22, 2006

Stick 'Em Up!

Headline: Band-Aid Bandit Suspects Held Without Bond

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) -- Prosecutors convinced a judge to keep a man they claim is the prolific Band-Aid Bandit behind bars Friday, telling him they found an ice chest containing wads of cash wrapped in bank bands, guns, wigs and - yes - Band-Aids at the suspect's central Florida home.
Well, that's sounds like enough probable gauze to me. With all of that evidence, hopefully prosecutors will be able to make the charges stick.

If they are convicted, something tells me the other prison inmates won't be very impressed by their name. It doesn't exactly bring to mind thoughts of fearsome, outlaws to be reckoned with.

Moreso visions of snotty-nosed brats who got knocked down at the playground too many times. But if things get abrasive, at least they'll have a tin can available to rattle the bars, and something to keep loose change or cigarettes in as well.

On the other hand, considering stick-ups were done, I guess it's an appropriate nickname. As far as ailments, though, it may have helped the reputation dilemma to have gotten poison ivy instead of having a shaving accident.

At least then it would've sounded way cooler: the Calamine Kid - notorious for his itchy trigger finger, along with his pardna-in-crime: Benny Drill - famous for being able to crack the strongest safe (and effective for up to 12 hours), as long as he never drives the getaway car.

I'm no Sheriff Justice, but that just sounds more like a real bandit to me. Except for the whole pink thing, which doesn't exactly have fear-inducing qualities, unless you count the Lady Marmalade video. (shudder)

Going back and forth, I see that maybe I should just scratch the entire idea. It's looking as though I'm stuck on Band-Aid, afterall.

Someone should let the prosecutors know they should not only get this party started, but also to go ahead and just put the evidence in the car - Junior.


Blogger Death Warmed Over said...

Gauze Gangsta?

Psoriasis Enemy #1?

Ice, Ice Pack baby?

I bet in prison they'll be the Vaseline Victim, if you know what I mean!

1:22 PM, July 22, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

I like the Ice Pack Baby the best, and yes, I know what you meant. scary! Hope they have big bandages handy in that case! Garfield ones.

1:31 PM, July 22, 2006  
Blogger ItsTJoint said...

Are people really running out of decent "bandit" gimmicks?

9:44 PM, July 23, 2006  
Blogger David Amulet said...

Hilarious! You KNOW that I'm a fan of the "probable gauze" line.

-- david

5:01 AM, July 24, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

ITJ: It appears so. Sad times we live in. :)

David: Thank you! You just put a big smile on my face. :)

6:18 AM, July 24, 2006  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

I have to think of ways to be a better criminal. These guys got it wrapped up (ouch!)

6:36 AM, July 25, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

HAHA, don't worry, you'll get your tourniquet sooner or later.


10:13 AM, July 25, 2006  
Blogger Rocky said...

HAha! Hopefully this won't open up a whole new medicine cabinet of villains such as...

ACE bandage bandit

Eye Drop Dognapper

Neosporin Nightstalker

9:23 AM, July 29, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home