Ruffling Feathers

Headline: Ready or Not, Bird Flu Is Coming to America

March 13, 2006 — - In a remarkable speech over the weekend, Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Leavitt recommended that Americans start storing canned tuna and powdered milk under their beds as the prospect of a deadly bird flu outbreak approaches the United States.

Great! Mass panic and hysteria. Like shopping wasn't hard enough already?

And I'm sure somewhere in a remote town some dumbass's house will reek like the back alley of a seafood market on a hot summer day after not exactly following those instructions correctly.

But the most amazing thing I've discovered from reading this news bulletin is that there is actually a group called the National. Chicken. Council. I wouldn't want any part of that - not even the wishbone!

When the President is introduced at council meetings, do the members break into louds bursts of BaaaCAAAAAs as a means of applause or would they respectfully fold their arms under and flap in silence?

After very intensive research, which consisted of making it up off the top of my head, I found out the council has also been known by a more common name: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Science. Go figure!

Oh well, I'm off to the grocery store...