Blowing Smoke

Headline: Holy smoke! Chinese city turns cigarettes to medicine

BEIJING (Reuters) - A city in China, a country that's home to the world's most enthusiastic smokers, is crushing fake cigarettes to make medicine, Xinhua news agency said Sunday.

Fake cigarettes, made of poor quality tobacco and often topped up with wood chips, are commonly sold on Chinese streets.

"Home to the world's most enthusiastic smokers?" Do you think the tourist commission cashed in on that slogan using t-shirts or giant billboards - "Welcome to China, Home of the ..."

Have coaches trained them to show enthusiasm and excitement when smoking? C'mon people, - once more, with feeling - try again!! Do they sound like wide-eyed, exuberant HS cheerleaders when asking Gimme a Light (clap-clap)!

Then there's the fake cigarettes - made with wood chips. Do they plan to slow-cook brisket or smoke for pete's sake?! Emulating the Marlboro Man is okay, I guess, but must they smell like mesquite to do so?

Also, I wonder when (yes, I said when, not if) a woman fakes an orgasm, does she smoke a fake cigarette afterward, too? That would be the only sensible thing out of this entire article.

It could be worse, I suppose, maybe I'll light up and think about it some more - 'cause if I can't do it no one can. (clap-clap).