Greener Pastures

Headline: Escaped Cow May Not Be Doomed After All

GREAT FALLS, Mont., (AP) A spirited cow that jumped a slaughterhouse gate and evaded capture for six hours has drawn clemency pleas and may not be doomed after all.

This cow must be an offspring of the one that jumped over the moon. I can't believe it was so hard to capture the animal. It's not like cows are famous for their speed and agility, although, I would think their calf muscles are pretty strong.

The officials should've employed Tommy Lee Jones to lead the search effort. Just picture him yelling, "I want you to search every barn, trough, and dairy section within a 5 mile radius!"

Certainly, the recapture would've taken only about 2 hours if he were running the show- sequel not included.