Don't Quote Me on This

Why do people feel the need to pantomime grammatical symbols while speaking? More importantly, why quotation marks specifically? What is so special about that one in particular?

I sort of understand why people don’t do the period, as it could possibly be taken as an act of aggression, along with the exclamation point, and the colon, but what’s wrong with the apostrophe or parenthesis? Mainly, I enjoy the parenthesis the most as they flow as stylishly as an orchestra conductor’s hands when acted out.

Quotation marks only instill fear in me when viewed because they typically aren’t performed coolly; they’re usually accompanied by a grimace or widened eyes as if the translator were being possessed by Nasferatu.

Obviously, people are generally unaware of their voices’ capability to fluctuate its tone – especially Ashlee Simpson. With the appropriate rise and fall of the voice, there is no need for added gestures.

Or is it possible the speaker thinks so little of the listener? Somehow the intended audience is incapable of deciphering what is important in the relayed sentence. Just think about it – the person speaking to you thinks you are “dim-witted”! How do you like that? Wouldn’t it be more simple to say, “he or she said” instead of doing the extra work of performing and possibly developing arthritis in your fingers?

Really, everyone should just leave the hand gestures to the professionals. That would be the person inside of the little box in the corner of your TV. Although, I am curious to see someone attempt to act out italics.