Big Foot, My Foot

Headline: Bigfoot Conference in Texas Draws Hundreds

Outlandish theories about the origin of Bigfoot abound, including that it might be an extraterrestrial. Many believe that a towering, ape-like creature descended from a prehistoric 9- to 10-foot-tall gorilla called a Gigantopithecus, and that it now inhabits North American forests.

``You see one of these things and it changes your whole perception of reality,'' said Craig Woolheater, the office manager of a Dallas company who co-founded the Texas Bigfoot Research Center in 1999, five years after he said he saw a hairy creature walking along a remote Louisiana road.

I don't know about this - I think the formal name is Gigantobullshitimous. But if this is true, then I've had several sitings myself, considering I've witnessed many hairy creatures walking along remote LA roads. Never did it cross my mind they could be Sasquatch! I've referred to them by many names: cajuns, trailer-trash, bubbas - but never Sasquatch - okay, maybe a few.

That doesn't mean they are extraterrestrials or decendants of apes - well, maybe a few - they just happen to suffer from a hormonal imbalance and haven't heard of the new craze called Razors. No need to get all folk legend about it.

My advice to anyone coming to Louisiana in search of Big Foot, I suggest they look no further than their own mirror and first discover Big Ass...oh, and have a Gillette Mach 3 handy.