A Cool, Blue Note

Headline: Be Cool, by Christian McBride

I believe it pays to be cool. Most people are always terribly stressed and hypersensitive to absolutely everything. They will age quickly. Cool people stay young forever.

Mr. McBride is a jazz musician who claims his grandfather taught him the art of being cool. Well, that's cool right there...my grandmother taught me how to feed chickens.

I’m curious as to how one would go about teaching someone to be cool. Did he sport a pair of Ray-Bans at age 5? Was the juice in his sippy cup shaken and not stirred? Was he forced to watch Shaft every evening?

I think being cool may be easier for men than women. From what I can remember, there weren’t many role models of coolness for girls.

The only ones I can even recall, while I was growing up, are Pinkie Tuscadero from Happy Days or Rizzo from Grease. Although, I don’t know if they were cool so much as they were, well, whores.

I can’t imagine why, but the general populace has a tendency to look down on women who don dark sunglasses, speak with a husky voice, and smoke a fine Cuban, all the while keeping their bitches in line.

Okay, so I don’t really smoke cigars but you get the gist.

Nowadays, people like Quentin Tarantino, whose movies use enough blood to give Keith Richards transfusions for another 100 years, has defined the word cool.

Problem is, even if you do look like George or Selma, nobody could live up to that notion without spending a few years in Pelican Bay, or at least, Tijuana.

I fear for the future of coolness. It's up to all those who understand to put forth an effort to enlighten this generation and ensure its very survival.

Until then, Elmore James will remain on my stereo, my sippy cup will never be empty, and the chickens will always be fed.

You dig?