Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Last Rite of Passage

Headline: Stripper for 102nd birthday party
Staff at a home for the elderly organised an unlikely present for a resident's 102nd birthday - a stripper.
Planning an event such as that one had to have been difficult, to say the least. I would imagine the scene looked more like an emergency room than a birthday party.

Paramedics on stand-by, a priest waiting in the wings, and lawyers milling over wills just in case she went into cardiac arrest during the show.

Maybe they hooked up the heart monitor to the stereo and made it beep with the beat. As long as they didn't forget to double-up on her Depends things should have gone smoothly.

As for the male dancer, he apparently has no shame - taking money from an old lady. She probably slipped him some dollar bills with her teeth, which would've been easier to retrieve with a fish net since her teeth were in a cup of Efferdent across the room. Hey, wet money is still money, right?

Actually, it was probably the easiest job he's ever had. He couldn't have been bumping and grinding too much or she would've become like a fine powder by the end of the dance. Her walker may have come in handy as a prop for him as well.

I just can't imagine who would accept a job like that in the first place. Norman Bates comes to mind.

She had a great time though and requested to have 2 strippers next year. I just don't know if I'd be tempting fate that much, being as she's read every magazine in Heaven's waiting room - twice.

But I'm sure God will have mercy on her, moreso if the male dancer was a 93 year old.

12 Comments:

Blogger mindy said...

that just doesn't seem right. saggy stripper. weird.

6:39 AM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Mindy: I'm sure the stripper wasn't saggy, but dancing erotically for a person who'd old enough to be his great, great grandmother is a little disturbing. :)

6:43 AM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger Ben said...

haha great story. Good on her ! I agree that the stripper obviously has no shame, but then again do any of them ?

6:45 AM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger Ben said...

oh, and BTW the Rice pudding was left out of harms way if you know what I mean.

6:46 AM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Ben, glad you've learned your lesson! and glad you liked the story as well. thanks.

6:51 AM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger Metal Mark said...

I am trying very hard not to picture anything related to this story. It my scar me for life.

8:40 AM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger Death Warmed Over said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

10:45 AM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger Death Warmed Over said...

I wonder if the stripper danced to "Gold Digger"?

10:46 AM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

Hey, whatever works. When you've hit that age, I think that entitles you to all the happpiness and joy you can get. I've always told my friends to never get a male stripper for me for any occasion, because I would be so embarrassed, but I applaud those who aren't a prude like me.

11:40 AM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Enemy: No doubt! Anyone over 100 should be able to do whatever they want!
(mental note - hire male stripper for Enemy's next birthday) haha.

12:00 PM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Mark: too late. ;)


Death: I have no idea, but that sounds about right.

12:03 PM, August 23, 2006  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Maybe the male dancer has necrophelia.

3:03 PM, August 23, 2006  

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