Friday, October 20, 2006

Poultrygeist

Whenever I was little it seemed the world around me was more magical than it is now. It may be because I no longer go exploring through the woods, tell ghost stories by a campfire, or hold séances anymore.

In fact, the only time I chant Bloody Mary three times is when I can’t get the attention of the bartender right away. However, if done properly, that can lead to a spiritual episode in itself.

Rural living didn't provide a whole lot to do when we weren’t in school. So, one day two brothers, a sister, and I managed to gain access to my older sister’s bedroom in order to get the Ouija Board out of her closet.

I guess idle hands are the devil’s workshop after all.

We tiptoed out of the backdoor and headed to the chicken yard. There was a rather large, wooden chicken coop, which seemed to be the perfect place for our conjuring experience.

What better place for chickens to congregate, right? Although, the feathered ones had enough sense to go outside.

Carefully, we laid out the board on the hard, dirt floor. It was dark in there, but not completely because it was daytime (hey, we weren’t crazy), and some rays of sunlight beamed through the splits in the wood and a few holes in the tin roof to give off just enough light.

We sat cross-legged and composed ourselves before the rituals began. That is, if composure meant stifled giggles and overly done, wide-eyed looks of anticipation. More than likely, we appeared to be the ones laying the eggs as opposed to the hens.

Fingertips touched the edge of the guide ever so slightly. God knows you wouldn't want to move it around on your own! Heh.

In deep, exaggerated tones I called upon the spirits to answer my most vital questions: does Richard like me? what was my birthday present going to be? You know, the important stuff!

Within minutes we heard strange, creaking noises. We all looked around and then at each other with nervousness and a little fear. The sound came from above, from the hen’s nest.

All heads turned in that direction when suddenly something dove from the hay and landed right smack-dab in the middle of the board, scurrying madly and scratching its nails in every direction.

It was a RAT!

We all flew to our feet, screaming and cackling more than our feathered friends. That thing ran right across my toes and that was all I could stand.

The next thing I knew it was assholes and elbows, as we bolted out of that chicken house like our heads had just been cut off. All of us ran and screamed toward the four corners of the Earth - or at least, the four the corners of our backyard.

After it was all over we laughed and laughed and swore never to tell anyone what happened. In retrospect, those times were fun but that doesn't necessarily mean that I can't have as much fun now.

You see these days, I can do all of that plus have Bloody Marys at the same time! But just to be on the safe side, I'll ask the spirits what they think about that idea - I'm sure they'll say Yes.

14 Comments:

Blogger Enemy of the Republic said...

This was great to read. My son and his friends play with the ouija board, but I know they are pushing the dial. Man, I'd love to take a walk in those woods with you.

2:12 PM, October 20, 2006  
Blogger X. Dell said...

I'm assuming a couple of things: first of all, that you didn't get a rat for your birthday; and because you didn't get a rat for your birthday, the critter's appearance must have been in response to your question about Richard.

A witch friend of mine used to consult her divining board. I've seen her do amazing things with it. She won't touch Ouija boards though, because she feels that they're full of spirits from the dark.

Me, I have no knowledge or opinion on such things.

10:36 PM, October 20, 2006  
Blogger Ben Heller said...

The power of the Ouija board summoning up the spirits in the form of a rat ? Whoa !

I've always wanted to ask someone who's tried the Ouija board. Do you belive that it really is a board for spiritual communication ?

I've never seen one other than on TV.

4:54 AM, October 21, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

EOTR: Thanks. Our woods are loaded with banana spiders - let's just hike in Glacier Nat'l Park instead. :)

x.dell: *now* you tell me!

Your conclusions are good ones, but I doubt Richard was like a rat considering he was in 2nd grade at the time - he might be one now, though. ;)

We really shouldn't have been fooling around with stuff that we didn't know how to use or understand. Pretty bad if a witch won't touch the thing!

Tried Runes once on my own, and that came out horrible, too. Overall, I think it's some message from beyond for me to just leave that shit alone. :)

5:00 AM, October 21, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Ben: I suppose anything could be used for spiritual communication if you have the ability within you to do it. But we were young and didn't know how to work it right, so I don't know if it has the actual capacity to work or not. We also threw it away a long time ago and I haven't done it as an adult.

The most accurate spiritual thing I've seen used are Tarot cards, they always seem to hit things right on the mark for me, although they aren't used to speak with spirits exactly.

I just know that kind of stuff fascinates me. :)

5:07 AM, October 21, 2006  
Blogger mindy said...

i love that story!! so funny! a rat?? that's crazy!
i had a ouija board once..my friends and i burned it because it freaked us out! (i was young) hahaha!
a bloody mary sounds great!!i may have to go get one now...

6:45 AM, October 21, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

Mindy - thanks. it's a wonder demonic spirits didn't come flying out when you burned that thing!! haha. Yes, bloody marys are pretty damned tasty - and only 68 calories! gotta love that. :)

6:54 AM, October 21, 2006  
Blogger JohnB said...

I played with one of those things once...my friend swore he never moved the pointer...and I know I didn't...

9:20 PM, October 21, 2006  
Blogger The Phoenix said...

Excellent story.

By the way, don't mess with those ouija boards.

It's nothing but the Debil.

3:00 PM, October 22, 2006  
Blogger Death Warmed Over said...

It easier to be scared when I was young. My grandmother had a reproduction of the Mona Lisa and my cousin and I were convinced it was haunted because wherever you went, she was looking at you. We use to get up late at night go look at it and scare ourselves silly. Good times, good times. Until, of course, my cousin was found naked and dead in front of it with his body positioned like the Vitruvian Man.

9:24 PM, October 22, 2006  
Blogger OnMyWatch said...

John - ooooOOOOOoooo.

Phoenix - aw, you think everything's of the debil.

DWO - LMAO!!! So dark the con of man.

8:04 AM, October 23, 2006  
Blogger Trundling Grunt said...

That cracked me up - but maybe it was a rat sent by the gods with a message and you just missed out. I don't think I'd have waited to find out either...

12:29 PM, October 24, 2006  
Blogger Ray Van Horn, Jr. said...

now THAT was wild! love the woods, you never know what holds out there...I've been expressly forbidden to touch a Ouija board...I'm not always superstitious, but in this case...

9:41 PM, October 24, 2006  
Blogger JohnB said...

Seriously now, it actually told me what my future wife's name was going to be...

8:10 AM, October 25, 2006  

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