Poultrygeist

Whenever I was little it seemed the world around me was more magical than it is now. It may be because I no longer go exploring through the woods, tell ghost stories by a campfire, or hold séances anymore.

In fact, the only time I chant Bloody Mary three times is when I can’t get the attention of the bartender right away. However, if done properly, that can lead to a spiritual episode in itself.

Rural living didn't provide a whole lot to do when we weren’t in school. So, one day two brothers, a sister, and I managed to gain access to my older sister’s bedroom in order to get the Ouija Board out of her closet.

I guess idle hands are the devil’s workshop after all.

We tiptoed out of the backdoor and headed to the chicken yard. There was a rather large, wooden chicken coop, which seemed to be the perfect place for our conjuring experience.

What better place for chickens to congregate, right? Although, the feathered ones had enough sense to go outside.

Carefully, we laid out the board on the hard, dirt floor. It was dark in there, but not completely because it was daytime (hey, we weren’t crazy), and some rays of sunlight beamed through the splits in the wood and a few holes in the tin roof to give off just enough light.

We sat cross-legged and composed ourselves before the rituals began. That is, if composure meant stifled giggles and overly done, wide-eyed looks of anticipation. More than likely, we appeared to be the ones laying the eggs as opposed to the hens.

Fingertips touched the edge of the guide ever so slightly. God knows you wouldn't want to move it around on your own! Heh.

In deep, exaggerated tones I called upon the spirits to answer my most vital questions: does Richard like me? what was my birthday present going to be? You know, the important stuff!

Within minutes we heard strange, creaking noises. We all looked around and then at each other with nervousness and a little fear. The sound came from above, from the hen’s nest.

All heads turned in that direction when suddenly something dove from the hay and landed right smack-dab in the middle of the board, scurrying madly and scratching its nails in every direction.

It was a RAT!

We all flew to our feet, screaming and cackling more than our feathered friends. That thing ran right across my toes and that was all I could stand.

The next thing I knew it was assholes and elbows, as we bolted out of that chicken house like our heads had just been cut off. All of us ran and screamed toward the four corners of the Earth - or at least, the four the corners of our backyard.

After it was all over we laughed and laughed and swore never to tell anyone what happened. In retrospect, those times were fun but that doesn't necessarily mean that I can't have as much fun now.

You see these days, I can do all of that plus have Bloody Marys at the same time! But just to be on the safe side, I'll ask the spirits what they think about that idea - I'm sure they'll say Yes.